7 Myths about Love

Your stomach flutters with butterflies as you see him in the corner of your eye, strolling past your locker. You’ve never spoken to him before. But you don’t need to. He’s perfect. Him, with his long hair, his lack of ambitions and “cool kid” status. Him, who flirts with every girl he sees, who is long overdue for a haircut and can play the guitar like it’s a part of him. He probably doesn’t even know you exist, but one day, yes one day, he will love you. You can picture it now, the big white wedding, his smile, all the girls he used to date watching jealously from the crowd. Oh the love!

Lately my Facebook newsfeed has been exploding over Kardashians, who is dating who and similar “romance” stories. It got me thinking about the image of “love” that is being portrayed to the younger people of our generation. So here are a few myths about love that I want to pop! 

1. Love = Feeling. 

I have covered this before, but it can never be said enough. You don’t always feel love towards the person you are with. Sometimes you’re annoyed, upset, frustrated and angry. And that’s okay. It doesn’t mean you don’t love them. You don’t always feel happy, excited and loving towards your significant other. Sometimes you’re tired. Sometimes you got out of bed on the wrong side. 

But this goes the other way too. Just because you get butterflies in your tummy around him, it doesn’t mean you love him. Just because you want to be his girlfriend, doesn’t mean you love him. You might. But you also might just be crushing on him. Don’t get the two confused. 

2. Love at first sight! 

Sorry Nicholas Sparks, but I am not a believer of love at first sight. You can disagree with me, but hear me out. Firstly, I don’t think that it is possible to love someone who you have never spoken to. Sure, they may have a hot bod, but can they take care of you? Are they fun to be around? Do they make you laugh? Or have they got zero goals for their life? Do they make you feel like you’re talking to a brick wall? How do you know? You’ve never spoken to him! 

3. Love = Sex. 

I wasn’t sure if I was going to cover this one, but I think it’s important. Ladies, if you have a conviction to wait until marriage and your partner does not respect that or thinks it’s a stupid idea, you’re probably not with the One. Sex is the most intimate way you can be with someone, ever. I personally am saving that privilege for my husband and my husband only. However, being in love with someone doesn’t mean you need to have sex with them. Dating relationships can be fickle. If someone doesn’t want to marry you and be with you forever and ever, do they really deserve that gift? You can love without giving away your virginity. 

4. Jealousy.

“Jealousy is when you count someone else’s blessings, instead of your own.” With real love comes real trust. You hear things like “It’s cute if a girl is jealous, it means she doesn’t want to lose you.” No. Jealousy is an envious green monster that’ll eat you up inside, slowly. It causes you to imagine all types of scenarios and can destroy you and your relationship without your significant other even saying anything. 

5. Relationship = Better Life.

I cannot stress this enough, but being in a relationship does not automatically mean all your life problems are solved and everything is better. When you enter a relationship with problems, the problems stay with the relationship. Your significant other does not make them disappear. Only God can do that. Sure, you both learn to deal with it, but don’t expect some sort of voodoo magic to happen just because you changed your relationship status on facebook. 

6. Everyone is Ready for a Relationship.

False. Not everyone is ready for a relationship. If you’re 12, I highly doubt you are ready to be in the committed, “real” relationship that God wants you to be in. Something that always helped me when I was younger was remembering that within a relationship you either break up or get married. So why would I want to date someone who I had no intention of marrying? Another important thing: it’s okay to wait. You may have felt like you’ve been waiting years, but casual dating will get you no where. I waited 16 years, and looking back, that was a fairly short time. It’s okay to tell the person you want to be with that you want to wait it out a year or two. If it’s meant to be, it’ll happen, don’t rush things! 

7. Being in a Relationship is Your Life Goal.

I’m sorry, girls, but being in a relationship is not the best thing you’ll do. In the words of Taylor Swift “In your life you’ll do things greater than dating the boy on the football team.” And she’s totally right! You don’t want to be that girl who is completely committed to “getting a relationship.” It’s not about trying to have a boyfriend. Being single is completely OK. You will do things that are greater than dating. You’ll touch the hearts of people, find a goal, travel the world… The sky is the limit! 

I hope you found some useful tips for dating, ladies! Let me know in the comments what other things you’d be willing to see from me! 

Ciao for now! xx 

Anastasia ❤ 

The Life in Words

Hello Readers!

Firstly, I’d like to give a HUGE apology for not writing a post sooner. I’ve been a little slack with university starting… hopefully I’ll be writing a lot more frequently now.

Tonight I want to start you off with a thought – how often do you think about words? Throughout all nations, no matter what background or nationality, words are something that are constantly taught. We learn to say them since before we can remember by listening to our parents. We learn to read them by going over Dr. Suess books in grade 1. We learn to write them by practicing dotting the i’s and crossing the t’s all through English. It’s something we will never stop teaching – the ability to speak. Speaking becomes a part of us. We almost can’t imagine a world where no one talks.

The problem with our generation is that we haven’t been taught to speak words of life.

We have forgotten how impacting our words are on our lives and the lives around us. Who here is guilty of what I like to call “bad-day-ism?” It’s a little term I made up that means we set our whole day up as bad based on one or two unfortunate circumstances. Yep. Guilty. We may think we are just “having a bad day” but eventually that bad day becomes a bad week, a bad month, a bad life. We say things like “today sucks,” or “I hate going to school” before it’s even hit 9 o’clock! I don’t know about you, but I feel like that’s setting you up for a bad day.

While we may not realise it, words have the power to shape our world. Your emotions control your thoughts, your thoughts control your speech and your speech controls your actions. How you react to a situation is based on what you speak about it. Instead of saying “Oh golly gosh, I missed the bus. Today is the. WORST. DAY. EVER.” we should be thinking (and thus speaking) “well this isn’t ideal, but it’s not the end of the world.”

Now I’m not saying there is necessarily someone to blame for this. Society in general is set on blaming people left and right for their mistakes. We are almost taught to believe that if the day isn’t perfect it’s a bad day.

The power of words doesn’t only apply to your day though. The things you say about yourself is what you’ll believe. Seriously, if you’re calling yourself ugly and fat, you will never view yourself as beautiful and perfect, no matter how many people tell you that you are. If you say you’re a failure, you set yourself up to fail.

Matthew 15:18 says But the words you speak come from the heart—that’s what defiles you. Our heart is essentially the things we believe. Words can speak life into our everyday lives or they can defile us.

Words aren’t something that should be taken lightly. Next time you think you’re having a bad day, think about the things you’re saying. What can you change in your words to change your day? Maybe instead of thinking negatively, go out of your way a little to make someone else’s day. Just a smile is appreciated. 🙂

Have a lovely weekend my lovely readers. Looking forward to getting back into the lingo of things. Please share this post if you enjoyed it and like the facebook page for future updates!

xx Anastasia

“Broken” is the new “Black?”

Hey Readers!

This week, I was scrolling through facebook and stumbling onto something that, all at once, broke my heart and made me fume… it’s making me angry just thinking about it.

Okay, I’m sorry, but what? In what sense is this okay? This, my lovelies, is what is known as “romanticising” or “glorifying” self harm, eating disorders and suicide. This basically means taking something that is not okay and turning it into something that is a-o-kay. And we wonder why so many of us put on a fake smile instead of talking to someone who can help us or make it a little bit better.

Romanticising self harm, eating disorders and suicide isn’t a uncommon as you may think. Almost everyday, posts about being “beautiful even with the scars” are sprawled along my newsfeed, like an accident waiting to happen. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing necessarily wrong with that. The problem begins when we begin to see these things as “okay” because society is making it “beautiful.”

Let me tell you straight up. Suicide doesn’t decrease the chances of things getting worse, it eliminates the chances of things getting better. I’ll never deny I’m a sucker for romance, but I’ll never allow that to be at a cost.

The levels of self harm, eating disorders and suicide are continuing to rise. The blissful ignorance we enjoyed in primary school has clearly been lost. As teenagers, we are led by our emotions. We get hurt, we cry and we feel like nobody cares. We allow people to label us as “stupid,” “annoying” or “ugly.” We feel like we have no purpose. I know. I get that. We deal with so much drama and have enough problems as it is. We don’t need to be broken to be beautiful. We all have all been hurt, but we also have hurt others. Don’t forget who you really are because of the trials you face. You are BLESSED, CHOSEN, ADOPTED, ACCEPTED, REDEEMED and FORGIVEN. Don’t forget that.

John 10:10 says The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full (NIV). Our generation is facing destruction. There are so many temptations around us, calling us to be things we aren’t and whispering that we aren’t good enough. But those things aren’t from God. Jesus came to give life, and to give it to the full. Not just an average, ordinary life. A full, joyful, happy life. We can’t allow things such a romanticised self harm into our world because that’s not living life to the full. Whatever hurt you’ve gone through, I know that this isn’t the end. There is hope, life and light in Jesus.

Stay beautiful and until next time xox

Anastasia

Just a Bit of Sunshine

Hello Readers!

Negativity is something I see on a daily basis. My newsfeed is full of girls who wish they were skinnier, smarter and stronger. My tumblr dashboard has picture after picture of people who are wishing to be something they’re not. Society tells us to “be ourselves” while simultaneously shoving pictures of how we should be down our throats. I don’t know about you, but I feel like there’s something seriously wrong here.

At the end of the day, you can’t be someone else. You may try to be perfect and try to live someone else’s life, but you really can’t. So what are some things we can do to help love ourselves?

1. Know Who You Are.

Take some time to think about who you are a person. What are your likes and dislikes? What are your goals? What do you want to be when you grow up? Knowing and accepting who you are is the first and fundamental step to surviving negativity.

2. Choose Your Friends Wisely.

The 5 people you are closest to shape who are as a person. Who do you spend the most time with? Are these people who are in it for the nitty gritty or just cruising their way through? You need positive supportive friends and good role models in your life. The girls ditching maths to go get their nails done probably aren’t the best choice of friends.

3. Don’t Let People Label You.

My biggest fear during high school was being labelled. “Fat,” “annoying” or “stupid.” I wanted everyone to love me and want to be my friend, like they did in all the TV shows. The sooner you realise not everyone will like you, the easier it’ll become to be yourself. People will always have something negative to say about you. It could be the way you do your hair, who you’re dating or even how you get to school. The key is to know who you are and ignore the labels people try to stick on you.

4. Let Go Of The Past.

It is OKAY to make mistakes. It is OKAY to cry. But it is also OKAY to be happy. You can’t change your past. And while it still hurts, you don’t have to feel regret, anxiety or pain about what has happened. What’s done is done and not a thing you say or do can change that. Rather than regretting your mistakes, use them as lessons for the future and testimonies to others. Let go of the past and embrace the good future that’s heading your way.

5. Love Others.

To have a friend is to be a friend. Don’t just say you love someone, show it to them everyday. Make the people around you feel accepted and loved. The most attractive thing about someone is security in who you are. By being yourself, you give people around you permission to be themselves, and that is an attractive thing.

6. There is a Bigger Love.

Loving yourself is good. Being accepted is good. But there is a love that is higher, stronger and bigger than ANY earthly love. As humans, we are most easily controlled by our feelings, which can change like the wind. Don’t let your feelings affect the facts. You are loved. You are wanted. Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Dueteronomy 31:6.

Positivity is hard to come by, but that doesn’t mean it’s lost. Don’t wait for the positivty to come into your life. Take the initiative and be the positivity.

Until next time xx

-Anastasia

Love Is _______

Hello Readers!

With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, what week would be better to talk about LOVE! I’m a sucker for romance. I could watch The Notebook one hundred thousand times and still cry every time. I know what you’re thinking, ‘oh boy, she’s one of THOSE girls…” and you’re absolutely right. But is that really what love is all about?

Valentine’s Day isn’t just a day where a lot of roses and chocolate are passed around. It’s a celebration of LOVE. And I think to truly celebrate it, single or taken, we need to have a fundamental understanding of what love is.

If I asked you what love was to you, I can imagine some of your answers. “Love is that feeling deep in your tummy when he smiles,” “Love is the way you can’t help but feel butterflies,” etc. I’m sorry to be the one to tell you, but you’re wrong. While a big part of love is a feeling of affection, love is so much more than that.

Poets and song writers have tried to define love for centuries. We all know Taylor Swift’s “loving him was red…” Red? That doesn’t help us define love at all. Or maybe Rihanna’s “we found love in a hopeless place…” we still don’t understand even the basics of love. Many blogs and articles today will say that who we love is not something that we choose but I believe that’s wrong.

Love is a verb.

Think about it. If love was a feeling, we could use it to jump from partner to partner when things don’t go as planned. You don’t feel like you love your parents when they tell you no. But you do. You don’t feel like you love your boyfriend when he’s grumpy. But you do. You don’t feel like you love your cat when she’s meowing at your window at 4 in the morning. But you let her in anyway, because you do. While your feelings can change with the wind, love is a choice.

People love in different ways. Every person has their own “love language,” whether it be words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service, gifts or quality time. They may show their love in one of these languages or all of them. However, they all ring true that when you love someone, your actions follow that.

The media is obsessed with presenting us with an ideal world. In an ideal world, people live together in harmony and cruise through life without facing a single problem. Unfortunately, we live in the real world, and in the real world, it’s not as easy to choose to love someone as it is to feel love for someone.

So, what is love? Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres (1 Corinthians 13: 4 – 7).

Love is a verb, so choose to love this Valentines day. Buy your friends some chocolate or spend the day with that special someone. Whatever you choose to do, remember that you are loved, whether you have a someone to tell you that or not, I’m telling you now. You are special, you are important. You are loved.

Happy Valentines Day! 

Love Anastasia xox

The Bother with Beautiful

Hey Readers!

We wax, shave, clip, colour and curl. We run, lift, squat, jump and sweat. We primp, tuck, apply, check and double check. We watch ourselves in the mirror, judging, fixing, scrutinising and wishing for change. We spend hours scrolling through “perfect people,” wishing we could have her thigh gap, his hair or that body. We submerge ourselves into shows that say we aren’t good enough, magazines full of skinny tips and diets that make us sick. We have been taken down the rabbit hole into a land of self-doubt and we aren’t quite sure how to get out.

While the rest of the world is caught up trying to solve worldwide hunger, child labour and human trafficking, it’s easy to dismiss our problems as “small.” If these “small” problems, such as body image, are really so insignificant, why is it that all through our schools and playgrounds we see young people suffering from anorexia, self harm and mental illnesses?

The reality is, we all care about how we look. We might not care all day everyday, but when it boils down, we care about how people see us. But why do we seek acceptance from strangers? Why do so many people have a negative body image?

Let’s be honest for a second. When you walk past the new girl at school, your first thought is always to do with her appearance. Whether it be how much make up she put on that morning or the way she wears her hair, our minds are quick to size up someone and form an opinion on them before we even say “hello.”

In order to understand our obsession with how we look, we need to understand a little bit about body image. The term “body image” was coined in the 1930’s and refers to how a person sees themselves in relation to what society calls beautiful. “Beautiful” is a very loose word, but society uses it to bombard us with ideas about how we should look and act. We have created it and we are consumed by it.

Body image destroys. I’m not going to give you a “top ten tips to improving your body” because I know first hand that no matter what you do to try and improve yourself, the world will always say there’s something wrong with you. It might be the angle of your nose, the crooked tooth in your smile or the way your ears stick out.

Our human nature tends to see the faults in our bodies like a big black smear along a white piece of paper. And how can we not? We spend hours of our time posting, scrolling, tweeting, tumblring and instgramming pictures of “perfect girls”. We see “thigh gaps” and tiny waists all through our newsfeed and dashboard. But are these really attributes that make someone “beautiful?”

So what is beauty? Where can it be found, and can we grab it when it isn’t looking and lock it up in a castle forever? I assure you, it isn’t found in a 12 pack of diet pills or a promise for a skinnier waist line. Beauty is found within the inner depths of your soul. It’s the courage it takes to stand up to a bully. It’s the strength you show when your parents get a divorce. It’s the compassion you show to your siblings. It’s the self control when you want to eat all the cupcakes. When you’re beautiful on the inside, it reflects on the outside, regardless of how many bumps and bruises you’ve picked up over the years. The little things that make you YOU are the qualities you nurture inside of you. Inner beauty shines through layers of foundation.  I’m not saying self confidence is going to happen over night but accepting your flaws and realising your inner beauty is a great place to start. Smile, Beautiful!

– Anastasia